Thursday, April 28, 2011

Shocking revelations

I basically have become numb to the electric blue arc that emanates from my fingertip anytime it approaches a positively charged object such as a door handle, light-switch, wall, another person, or metal of any kind. Pop! Ow. Yeah... there's no avoiding it. It's pretty darn dry out here folks.

Here's some new things I have had to add to my routine that I hadn't anticipated.

1) Moisturizer. Yes, I have used hand lotion before...but not because my skin needed supplemental moisture..if you know what I mean. Now I am actually putting this stuff on the top of my hands, my elbows, knees, and the backs of my arms right around the triceps. I do this in the morning and before I sleep. Maybe a good ad campaign would look something like this:

2) Manicures. I'm bound to get some shit for this one, but whatever. I am a dealer and part of the job is keeping my hands looking nice. The dry air causes my cuticles to crack and I get hangnails. The one things there is no shortage of in Las Vegas is nail salons. They are literally on every corner. Not really sure what that is all about...maybe because there are so many "working women" in this city? Somebody shed some light on this for me. Anyhow, I get a mani-pedi every couple of weeks, right after a haircut. It is pretty relaxing to be honest. The chair gives you a massage while a pair of Vietnamese women go to town on your feet and hands with all sorts of sharp tools and sandpaper. I got one for the first time a little over a year ago with my then-girlfriend, just on a whim. I hadn't gotten one since... but now its a necessity. The women talk back and forth in Vietnamese. I have no idea what they are saying, but I cannot help but wonder if they are talking about me. I have decided to learn some common Vietnamese phrases in the hope that maybe they will think I understand them and they won't jabber on and on. Mà cảm thấy tốt means "that feels good." And if they really hit the spot...Tôi yêu em thời gian dài means "Me love you long time."

3) Humidifier. I turn about 4 gallons of tap water into vapor every 24 hours. I turn it on when I get home and leave it running next to my bed while I sleep. Nights when I have forgotten to use it or not filled up the reservoir have left me with a sore dry throat in the morning.

4) Hang drying laundry. In San Diego, a load of laundry would take hours to dry in the machine. Here it takes about 20 minutes. In fact, it drys things so fast it shrinks a lot of clothes. So, in order to combat shrinkage, I have taken to hang drying a lot of my laundry. I use my total gym pull up bar and hang it in the doorway between my bedroom and bathroom. It doesnt get the floor wet. It doesn't drip at all. Items dry in about an hour or less.

5) Staying Hydrated. I find myself consuming about twice the amount of water that I used to. In the first week I was peeing at least every hour. This has gotten better as my body has acclimatized, but its still far more often than before.

So there it is. Moisturizer, mani-pedis, line drying laundry, and peeing often. I feel like I have turned into June Cleaver.


KK said...

Sounds about the same as Colorado . . .except the lotion for extra-curricular activities part. I also recommend oil-based moisturizers and hair conditioner. I had nosebleeds every day for a month when I first moved out here and had to rub the cat down with dryer sheets on a daily basis to keep her from shocking herself every time she touched anything. Not a fun thing to watch if you actually like cats. I imagine it is quite hysterical if you don't. If your humidifier breaks, you can also hang a wet towel in the room overnight and the evaporation will help humidify the air. It's the poor man's solution. So, you have the total gym? I wondered what ever happened to that symbol of my endentured servitude of years past

Greg said...

Oh right, I meant "Iron Gym", which is nothing more than a glorified pull up bar that hangs in a doorway. I bought that along with the "perfect pushups" when I was on some kind of a late-night infomercial spending spree I guess.